A third of Britons keep something heavy to hit intruders with. Not quite sure what that means for the insurance company that carried out the survey, although most of the heaviest things in my flat are books, with which I wouldn’t want to hit someone. Don’t damage the precious words. A bit like this. So maybe I should be visiting this slightly terrifying shop, now just down the road from my flat. Who would have guessed you could buy a deactivated gun so close to Peckham?
Under the bed